No matter your age, you can find love, attract love, or love better.
Aunt Dorothy - third from left, Aunt Marguerite - far right. I am named for my dear grandmother, Karin Flodstrom, (wearing an apron in the middle)
My Swedish aunts lost their husbands a few months apart. They had good marriages and were both in their 60’s. After time passed, they got together. They slowly took off their wedding rings. The next day they went shopping and bought pretty new clothes.
Aunt Dorothy dated Ed happily for many years. I loved Ed. I asked her, “Will you ever marry again?”
“Oh no! she replied. “Then I would have to do more laundry, cooking, grocery shopping and cleaning. When you date, you always see each other when you are dressed up and at your best. Dating is so much more fun than being married.”
Aunt Marguerite met Doug. They are still dating, 26 years later. Doug is tall, handsome and active. The two of them love traveling. Both aunts tell me they would much rather date than get married.
My aunts still talk about their beloved husbands, just as their new beaus talk about their wives. Despite enjoying new love in their lives, they have never forgotten their first loves.
Sadly, Ed died. Aunt Dorothy met Des. She was so happy. Des took her to the opera. She had never been to the opera before. They went out to eat and on vacation with his children. My aunt felt something for Des she had never felt before. When he died only a couple of years later, she was almost 90 years old. Devastated and heartbroken, we both believed that she would never date again.
Aunt Dorothy is now 93. Despite her many losses, she remains active in her community and keeps her heart open for new friendships. I would not be at all surprised if my aunt finds romance again.
My aunts taught me that I don’t need to rush. There is always time to find love.
When I was in my 30’s, I met a divorced woman in her 50’s. She looked the way most of us do as we age. Her body was rounded. Her hair was gray and curled in an old-fashioned style. This sweet woman told me she had just met a man. She showed me his picture. He looked the way many men look at that age. He was balding and had a paunch.
I asked her what it is like to date in your 50’s. How does it feel?
“Oh my goodness!” she told me. “It feels just the same as it did when I was 16! I have butterflies. I can’t wait to see him. I think about him all the time!”
No matter how old you are, it is never too late to fall in love.
Women sometimes fear their biological clock is ticking. They fret that if they don’t find love soon, they will never have a child. I understand that fear. As a mother, I know the joy of carrying a child in my body and giving birth.
When I was pregnant with Clare, my pregnancy was high risk. The nurse at my doctor’s office told me that I wouldn’t be able to give birth in a birthing room. Clare would need to be born surrounded by operating equipment. I felt cheated and as if I had somehow already let my daughter down.
My wise nurse said, “I see all kinds of new mothers fixated on creating the perfect birth. Don’t you realize the birth is not that important? It’s all the years that come after your baby is here that really matter.”
I say something similar to clients who are worried they will never have a child. You will always have a chance to love a child. You can adopt, foster, or become a stepmother/step grandmother. You can be an aunt, uncle, babysitter, mentor or teacher. Loving a child is a precious experience regardless of whether that child comes from your body or not. No matter how old you are, if you are meant to love a child, you will find a way.
A few months ago, a client told me this story. She gave me permission to share her story with you. Her grandfather was dying. His dementia made him mean and difficult to handle.
The family met for a vigil around his bed. They knew he was dying. He hadn’t recognized anyone for months and was babbling in a nonsensical way. They could hardly hear him, and no one could understand a word he said.
They decided to do something that I think is brilliant. When her Grandpa mumbled, a family member would lean over and put their ear next to his mouth. Even though they couldn’t understand his words, they pretended they could. They would say things like, “Yes Grandpa, I remember the great times we had at Christmas. You always gave us money and that was so nice.” Or “Yes Dad, we had lots of fun camping when I was a little girl.” Everyone in the family took turns leaning in to recall a loving memory.
Finally, the Grandpa motioned to his daughter, my client’s mother. Her mother leaned in to place her ear near next to her father’s mouth. She got ready to make a loving comment when, with great clarity and loud enough for everyone to hear, her father said, “I love you.” After saying these words, he died.
Question: Do you think there is a deadline for feeling/finding true love? Do you fear you are behind? When it comes to creating love in your life, you don’t need to rush. Be patient. There’s no pressure. You are more likely to attract love if you relax and calmly look for ways to love others. It’s never too late to welcome love into your life.
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